I only see my long-distance fianc twice a year. We live over 3,000 miles apart.

2023-10-28T10:38:01Z

My partner and I live over 3,000 miles away from each other.
We only get to see each other in person twice a year.
We're planning to travel and then move in together once I graduate.

I didn't meet my fiancé in person until over a year after we decided to become a couple. We connected on TikTok in October 2020 after he commented on one of my videos and I slid into his DMs a few weeks later because I thought he was cute. We hit it off right away, and even though we couldn't meet in person yet — I live in the UK and he lives in Albany, New York — we started long-distance dating that December.

Due to COVID-19 lockdowns and closed borders, we didn't see each other in person until a year later, in December 2021, in New York City. Since that first trip over two years ago, we've only been able to spend a total of 119 days together (and all of those days have been in New York, as it's been cheaper for me to travel to the US than it would be for him to travel to Europe). During that time, we've gotten engaged; while I know living so far from my fiancé is unconventional, it's only temporary, and we're making it work.

We only see each other twice a year, when I have a break and can travel

I usually live in the UK but I'm spending a year abroad studying and working near Paris. My fiancé lives and works in Albany. There are 3,507 miles between us, and each trip costs about $1,000 in travel expenses. Because of my limited free time between semesters and the rising costs of living where we live, we only get to see each other twice a year: during the short break I get at Christmas and during my summer break, which is about a month.

When we first met in person, we spent a week together in the city and got engaged at the Rockefeller Center on New Year's Eve. We got to ring in the New Year together for the first time.

Last winter saw even more firsts for us. I flew to New York and traveled upstate to Albany, where we spent Christmas and both our birthdays — which are three weeks apart — for the first time.

The author and his fiancé on Christmas Day 2022. Courtesy of the author

After being together for over two years, he finally met some of my family, who flew to New York with me for a festive mini break. It was really lovely to spend a few days with everyone. We went out for food and drinks, walked around the Christmas markets, and got to take my younger cousin ice skating at the Rockefeller Center rink almost a year after we got engaged there. Since I spend as much of my free time as possible in Albany, I don't get much time to see my family during the year, so I really cherished being able to spend part of the Christmas season together.

Since we've gotten together, I have a newfound appreciation for summer

Summer has now become my favorite season because it means I get to travel to Albany and stay with my fiancé for a longer period of time. I've come to appreciate the little things we get to do together during summer that I think many couples take for granted, like waking up next to each other and grocery shopping. It's wonderful to simply enjoy each other's company.

One of my favorite things about summer is our routine of taking our cat, Godiva, to the local park every morning and eating breakfast there. Plus, we get to go on actual dates. We went to the New York State Museum in June, and it was one of the best dates we've ever had.

We do a lot of the same things as regular couples, just virtually

It's really difficult being away from each other for such a big chunk of the year, and we're constantly learning new ways of managing our relationship and the six-hour time difference between us.

We do a lot of things that other couples do together — the only difference is that most of the time, we do these things over Google Meet instead of in person. We often cook together, have movie nights, and love to watch reality-TV shows together, such as "Survivor" and the "Great British Baking Show."

We also eat together whenever we can. Because of the time difference, I have lunch while he has breakfast, and then I have dinner while he has lunch; it's a nice way for us to relax together and chat about our days. We also have a regular virtual game night with our friends, which helps ensure that our relationship doesn't exist in a box that's separate from the rest of our lives.

It's only for 2 more years

I'm currently in my third year of a four-year degree, so we've got less than two years left of being long distance. The plan now is for us to travel once I graduate and then move in together (although we haven't decided which country we'll make our home yet). Having that end goal in mind is really helpful for us.

The next two years will be difficult, but we get closer to breaking the distance every day. Even though we spend most of the year over 3,000 miles apart, we both know that it's 100% worth it because we'll eventually get to spend our lives together.

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